to start posting once again on my blog. Now granted I only had one post so far; it was always an intention of mine to continue on with it, but life gets in the way sometimes and our wishes and dreams fall to the waste side. I was busy doing a lot of this and a lot of that, but hardly accomplishing much at all. Then was a lot different than what my now is going to be. I lost my father 2 weeks ago, January 31st. He lived with me for 9 years, well almost 9 years. He was 92 years old. He was totally dependent on me for everything. I'm not going to say that it was easy by no means and that I didn't dream of what it would be like when he was gone, I did, but I never expected my life to be a place that I didn't know what I wanted to do in it. My father defined my life for so long. Everything I did was based around how much time I had to do it before my father needed something. I kept educating myself with "stuff" while he was at day care or relaxing in his chair. I was always doing something. Now, I have all the time in the world and I find myself just sitting and not finding myself interested in too much of anything. I know it's only been 2 weeks and it's all normal with the grieving process, but still I just never expected it to be like this. We always see things differently after what you are expecting happens. I knew it would be tough, but not like this. I knew I would be able to sleep until I wanted to and I didn't realize that I wouldn't want to get up. I knew that I would be able to do whatever I wanted to do and now I don't know what I want to do. I also knew that me and my family could get back to planning and doing things together and enjoy our time with each other, but now there seems to be nothing that I really want to do. I guess it all goes hand in hand with loosing someone special.
So, here I have come to have a start at something. There is nothing keeping me away now. I have all the time I want to do whatever it is that I want. That's such a new concept for me, and I wish I knew what it was that I wanted to do with all this information I have been acquiring these past 9 years. I always told myself that one day it would all come together. So, here you have it, my start to wherever my life is going to lead me. Everyone says to take one day at a time, so that's what I am going to do.
I've been educating myself on photography, photoshop, digital design, scrapbooking and much more during these 9 years. So, what am I going to do with it all? I would love to do something with my photography. We've talked about making my father's old room into some sort of a studio. Rich did get me a lighting set-up this Christmas for studio lighting. I do think it would be a good place to set up something. That will have to be down the road though as I am not ready to be emptying out my father's room any time soon. From here I'm just not sure what to do next. I'm getting ready to take another photography class on finding the light. I think this will be interesting. It's a 3 month class I believe. I actually am looking forward to it, it will give me something that I enjoy to do. One day at a time, right? Yep, that's what I'm going to do just take one day at a time.
I will leave you with one photo today of my father. He was such a happy man. This was taken 4 1/2 years ago when he took 26 of us on a cruise. He got to spend the week with his whole family. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for all of us and we will remember it forever. So one door closes, and one door opens. I'm sure he will be there guiding me along my way.
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